I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it glows. i had to have it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
