she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
