I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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