hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
pray to the hookup gods
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize