Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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