You're so nebulous sometimes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
