omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
