I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
