rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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