Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
