If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
