Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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