I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
