Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
