Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
