32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
