the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
