Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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