i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
