4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize