ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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