dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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