I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
