Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
