And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love having hate sex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
