Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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