it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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