I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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