Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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