Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
