I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
