Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
