He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
