we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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