worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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