Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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