did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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