I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
