Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
