one word: firstdatebathroomanal
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize