just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
