Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize