Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
