Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
