Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
