the condom got lost in my hair
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
