4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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