I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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