I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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