i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize