dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
