there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
