Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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