I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
