if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
