Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
