I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
