my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
