He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
