i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
