Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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