now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
