Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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