So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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