the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
