he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
