I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
