HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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