I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
